Vietnam: Love and Maddness

The cities of Vietnam are busy places. They are filled with entrepreneurs who sell everything from food to clothing to knick-knacks. Most of them have a little stall inside one of the giant warehouse-like markets, smashed all together in tight little rows. Take care to keep your arms tucked in tight to your sides as you side-step through the narrow rows, otherwise you might be grabbed and pulled toward the colorful piles of stuff by an overly pushy salesperson. 91% of the population drives a motorbike and there seems no better place to park them than on the sidewalk, sometimes two rows deep as in Ho Chi Minh City. Pedestrians are forced to walk in the street and pray the speeding bikes will not clip them as they roar past. There were days when I could take a deep breath, join the fray and be energized by the frenetic energy and there were also days I felt so over stimulated that I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Within the chaos and madness, however, each city also has its charms.  Ho Chi Minh City, formerly Saigon, is the most modern of the cities we visited. After the destruction from many years of war (1955-1975) it has rebuilt itself with modern high rises and several large, fancy malls. It has hundreds and I mean hundreds of coffee shops where you can get free Wifi as well as the famous Cà Phê Sūa Dá or Caphe Den Dá. Both are best iced, Sūa Dá is iced coffee with condensed milk and Den Dá is without but both have added sugar. Take my advice and do not make the mistake of holding the sugar, the thick, strong beverage desperately needs it. I could not stomach the Den Dá but after a few Jacob developed a taste for it and sought it out daily. I immediately loved the sweet creaminess of the Cà Phê Sūa Dá, which was odd since I normally take only milk in my coffee. There was just something about it that was like drinking a shake made of a mixture of coffee and mocha flavored ice cream.   I looked forward to one every morning.

playground tucked into tall green trees in Ho Chi Minh CityHo Chi Minh City is also super kid friendly. There are several parks and playgrounds to entertain the kids and give them the needed break from experiments in street food and museums. Like most cities with hot climates, Ho Chi Minh comes alive at night, especially in the park. You can see women of every age boppin’ away at aerobics classes, couples can be found spinning inside of pavilions practicing their ballroom dances, adults and kids play Badminton, Soccer, and what looks like a game that is a mixture of Badminton and Hacky Sack.

The girls would probably say Ho Chi Minh City was their favorite because it was the only city where we found playgrounds, although if you were to remind them of the beach or the dragon bridge of Da Nang in Central Vietnam, they would probably change their tune. For most people Da Nang is only the necessary train stop on the way to the more popular and beautiful city of Hoi An. However, Da Nang is working hard to change their fishing port reputation into a high-end beach resort destination. I have a feeling that the giant golden dragon that dives in and out of the bridge between the downtown area and the beach is setting the tone for what is to come. At night it changes from gold to green to blue to purple to red. Some might say it is a bit over the top but we thought it was a pretty cool backdrop to picturesque promenade that snakes along the waterfront.dragon bridge lit up gold at night

There are also dozens of high-rise hotels under construction along the beaches of the city. It will be interesting to see Da Nang in ten years when they are all completed and then check out how many more people can pack into the small areas along the coastline that are designated for swimming. If you can manage to stake out a spot for yourself in the water it is a good time for sure but don’t expect to be able to do much else besides jump and splash in the waves. However, the throngs of people also present the opportunity for the best of the best in people watching. You can rent a beach chair with umbrella all day for a dollar and kick back to watch the sales lady meticulously setup up her tower of colorful kites blowing in the breeze or the many women who jump into the waves fully clothed.

Colorful lanterns hang from buildings and across street in Hoi AnWe only gave Da Nang two days preferring to move on to the famous World Heritage city of Hoi An and it is certainly deserving of this fame. The old quarter of Hoi An is protected from motorbike traffic certain hours of the day, which makes it a safe haven and very pleasant to walk while you visit the mythical covered bridge and many museums. The French Colonial influence of the architecture is very apparent in the boxy buildings with tile roofs. It is romantic and magical at night with cloth lanterns of every color strung across the streets. Historically, Hoi An was a trade port between the Vietnamese, Japanese and Chinese people and you can see all three of these influences throughout the old quarter. My favorite was the Chinese Assembly Hall. It has magnificent red doors and jade colored tile on the sweeping roof where statues of dragons dance on each tier.

Gate to Chinese Assembly Hall with flowering trees and bushes in front
Chinese Assembly Hall

There are giant cones of incense burning from the ceiling inside filling the room with the sweet scented smoke. Families buy these cones to remember their deceased loved ones and I’m not exactly sure but it must take at least a week for them to burn down completely.

I haven’t decided yet if UNESCO is a good thing or not. What I have noticed is that once a place receives this designation it becomes overwhelmed with tourists. This designation certainly protects the historical nature of a place and brings more money to an otherwise impoverished area but it also brings more pollution, waste and higher prices. Hoi An is a good example of the jacked up prices, especially for food, due to the coveted UNESCO designation. The restaurants in the old quarter charge sometimes double for the same plate of food you can find just a kilometer away. One woman tried to sell me a pair of shorts for Mackenzie for five times what I knew they were worth based on an earlier quote for the same pair just outside of the old quarter. I stuck to my number though and as soon as she saw was ready to walk away she finally caved (I guess haggling is part of the fun but I would rather have an honest dealing, myself). Our hotel provided free bikes and on one of our days we took a spin through the rice patties that surround the city. I have never seen this shade of neon green that radiated from the landscape and the word undulation must have come from watching the breeze blow through the soft grass of the rice fields.

Mackenzie and Quinn pose with their pollution masks covering mouth and nose
Pollution Protection

Hanoi and Sapa were the last two places we visited in Vietnam. We did a trek through the mountains and terraced rice fields in Sapa. It was truly one of my favorite experiences on our world journey so it gets a post all its own (stay tuned). Hanoi, in Northern Vietnam is the capital city. This is a city you truly have to just take in and try really hard not to get overwhelmed. It is a beautiful city with a big lake in its center that is surrounded by a lush green park (no playground) and walking trail around it. The noise from the traffic is muffled here and provides a nice respite. I gotta admit, I didn’t love Hanoi. It is by far the most polluted of the places we visited and I found the motorbike drivers to be even less patient with pedestrians than other cities. I don’t know how many times I had to stop suddenly while holding onto Quinn’s hand because a motorbike pulled in front of us to park on the sidewalk. A woman selling some kind of donuts tricked Mackenzie and me by putting the sticky ball into Mackenzie’s hand and saying, “just try” and then she charged me for it.

These annoyances aside, we found the best Banh Mi sandwich here of all the cities in Vietnam. The girls thoroughly enjoyed the famous water puppet show that originated in Hanoi. We understood nothing because it was in Vietnamese and it was slightly strange but the music was amazing and after the first couple of scenes we were all into it. We also made a visit to the Vietnamese Women’s museum, which honored the mothers and women of Vietnam by exhibiting examples of their strength and leadership.  It provided us with an understanding of the tribal women in the north before venturing further to Sapa.Walking in the street in hanoi along with a woman pushing a bike full of produce

Night trains, rice fields, jungles and overly populated cities. Vietnam was a wonderfully maddening experience, if that is possible, and I have no regrets about our visit. There is good reason the food is known as one of the best of the world’s cuisines. With the median age of its citizen at 28 years old, I have a feeling Vietnam is in the midst of growth and rapid change and I hope they receive some pressure to change their emissions laws. It will be interesting to see how this country continues to emerge in the global community. If you have any question about visiting at least go for the Bún Thįt Nuóng, Caphe Su Da and Kumquat Lemonade.

sculpture at top of signal hill that reads "your respect is my strength"

The Golden Rule

The drivers in Cape Town are some of the most courteous I have ever encountered. In our daily trek over the mountain pass of Ou Kaapseweg, from Simons Town to the southern suburbs, I have witnessed several small gestures of kindness from the local drivers. For example, similar to the mannered protocol of a ski lift line, when traffic is backed up and someone is trying to merge into the flow, drivers here take turns at the intersection. A practice I have wished for while cursing other drivers when merging into a packed highway in Denver. There is a busy right-hand turn we make every morning on the way to the girls’ school (here, that means turning across oncoming traffic) and if we were in the States, I know we would sit for a long time waiting for a break between cars to gun it across the intersection. However, here, oncoming drivers will slow down to create that break and allow you make your turn without stress. The first time it happened, Jacob was mistrustful of the driver and so hesitated but the driver patiently continued to pause his forward movement and flashed his lights to communicate for Jacob to make his turn.

Many of the major roadways around town are two lanes. Here, a slower driver will move over to the shoulder to allow faster cars to pass (this driving norm also causes me to grit my teeth and hold my breath because there is a huge number of people who walk and hitch hike on the shoulders of the road). Admittedly this shoulder-driving behavior can be observed while driving on the rural highways around Texas so I can’t give all the credit to the South Africans. However, the use of hazard lights and headlights to say “thank you” to the people behind or ahead respectively sets the citizens of Cape Town apart. In the States, it is true that use of goodwill while driving is occasionally met with a wave of a hand to express gratitude but in our era of road rage, in my experience, this is the exception rather than the rule. After discussing our Cape Town traffic observations with a parent from the girls’ school, Jacob was informed that this behavior is more about “car karma” a sort of pay it forward mentality. Whatever the intention, these small acts of kindness have made our commute a little more tolerable (as well as the amazing sunrise every morning).

The theme of kindness and courtesy has been alive throughout our travels. Before we left the States, Jacob and I conversed with a gentleman at a party who gave us the sage advice that simple acts of courtesy will go far with Peruvians, especially with the taxi drivers. He was not wrong about Peruvians and you may be thinking to yourself that common courtesy goes along way with most people. In fact, in the U.S. children are taught the Golden Rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated. However, I have seen in others and experienced in myself the way stress can barricade access to social judgment and highlight the worst in people instead of the best. Self-centered tunnel vision has caused my blood pressure to rise when things are not going the way I anticipated. When this happens, my lessons on the Golden Rule fly out the window and I end up treating my fellow human in a way I would not like to be treated.

One of the first people we met when we arrived to Namibia told us that it is considered rude to launch directly into requests and/or questions of a local person without first engaging in a little small talk or at least an inquiry into how that person is faring. In a simple five-minute conversation with the man on the street corner from whom you are asking directions or the person behind the counter at a gas station taking your money for a coke, a warm connection is made between two strangers.  (warm fuzzies and cold prickles ring a bell for you kids of the ’70s?)  It may not turn into a lifetime of friendship but it allows for each party to be seen and acknowledged as more than just a customer and attendant but rather a person to a person who share more similarities than differences. This social behavior is one that I and I am sure many others around the world already engage in regularly; however, since making these Namibian mores a conscious practice I have learned two things:

  1. It allows me to slow down and realize that nothing is so urgent that I can’t spend a few moments engaged with a stranger in an exchange that will leave us both feeling good.
  2. When a service person approaches me to ask what they can bring and/or help me with and I first inquire into how that person is doing, I get to watch my impact and see their demeanor immediately soften and a smile cross their face. Philosophically, I guess it’s really a selfish act and I’m ok with that.

Throughout our journey, I have tried to hold on to this idea of courteous travel and keep it in the front of my mind. Not surprisingly, I have noticed that it often puts my irrational, knee-jerk reactions to stress in check. More than a few times, it has helped me to step back and take a breath. Even in the face of bad service or the high-pressure street vendors this approach offers me a way to give feedback or be firm in my ‘no’ while also being respectful.  Still, some might think that if I’m rude to the gas station attendant in Outjo, Namibia, flip off the driver who won’t let me into traffic or rant on some stranger’s post on Facebook it won’t matter, right? Why should I care? That person doesn’t know me and I’ll never see that driver or gas station attendant again.  On the contrary, we should care about the way we treat our fellow humans and our actions definitely matter.  It matters how we speak to each other, how we drive, how we express frustration or give feedback.  If we have the intention to be respectful and kind in our interactions with each other, we will spread more kindness.  If we “pay it forward” using disdain and anger, we will create more animosity in the world. Kindness shouldn’t be reserved for people in our own circles of family, friends or people who work in establishments within the radius of our homes.   Respectful, kind and courteous behavior is more than just about manners written in the book by Emily Post. Kindness is a way to create the type of community I want to live in wherever I go, moment by moment at home and across the globe.

The golden way is to be friends with the world and to regard the whole human family as one ~ Muhatma Gandhi